Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Feeling shame in my fall
Yesterday I hurt my daughter deeply by betraying her trust. She asked me not to contact someone about an issue and I did, though anonymously. I told her and she wept, saying she would never confide in me again. At first, I tried to explain myself, in a feeble attempt to justify what I did. Then I apologized, and I wept. As I sat with my feelings, I felt so terribly sad and horrid for hurting someone I love. I also felt deep shame. Shame is my plague when I face my own failure. As I pondered why I felt so badly, I found myself listening to my own internal voice of comfort saying, "It's okay. You are okay". I opened myself to God and to my own acceptance. I felt no better initially, but gradually God's penetrating light beamed even into my dark interior of shame and grief. I love the quote from scripture, "Grief may linger in the evening, but joy comes in the morning." It is so true. When I awoke, I felt that the healing balm of God had begun to seep into my heart, though I still did not feel fully restored. Healing and forgiveness take time, and I am willing to wait. I know the morning always comes, and I believe God's love always restores.
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