Feeling shame in my fall

Yesterday I hurt my daughter deeply by betraying her trust.  She asked me not to contact someone about an issue and I did, though anonymously.  I told her and she wept, saying she would never confide in me again.  At first, I tried to explain myself, in a feeble attempt to justify what I did.  Then I apologized, and I wept.   As I sat with my feelings, I felt so terribly sad and horrid for hurting someone I love.  I also felt deep shame.  Shame is my plague when I face my own failure.  As I  pondered why I felt so badly, I found myself listening to my own internal voice of comfort saying, "It's okay.  You are okay". I opened myself to God and to my own acceptance.  I felt no better initially, but gradually God's penetrating light beamed even into my dark interior of shame and grief.  I love the quote from scripture, "Grief may linger in the evening, but joy comes in the morning."  It is so true.  When I awoke, I felt that the healing balm of God had begun to seep into my heart, though I still did not feel fully restored.  Healing and forgiveness take time, and I am willing to wait.  I know the morning always comes, and I believe God's love always restores.

A Fire in the Hearth

Today is the first snow.   A fire is dancing in our wood stove in the corner of our log cabin.  I feel warm and safe as I watch the snow falling down out the window.  Like a kid, I always feel excited for the first snow.  It thrills me.  Perhaps it is the change which I find exciting.  My prayer today is to be open to what today holds.  If I can be open to each moment with grace today, I will have lived.  I find myself slipping into unconscious reactions with my kids, with my husband, with others too quickly.  Help me to be open to your spirit today, God.  May I live with the excitement, wonder and openness of a child.